There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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