Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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