I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
