btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
