fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
