She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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