You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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