Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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