Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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