the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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