Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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