wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
