That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
