i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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