You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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