I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
