i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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