Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
