but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
