I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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