How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
