Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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