You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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