just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
