Small penises have feelings too.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
