What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
