And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
