in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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