What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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