Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
