I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
