dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
