i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he puts the penis in happiness.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
