i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
