I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
