hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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