There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize