i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We left the knife in your bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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