You smell like stripper and shame
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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