Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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