tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
