I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
