I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
