for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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