Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
