Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have aggressive nipples.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
