They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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