dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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