You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.