You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.