i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.