Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God