a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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