I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
