yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
