They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
