does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
