drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
